In this "new economy," regardless of whether you are a glass-half-full or half-empty person; or see the economy as stabilizing or still struggling; people, families and businesses are dealing with unprecedented levels of stress.

Stress causes many people to make poor decisions based on emotions rather than logic, to be more reactive than proactive, and to communicate ineffectively. Strong leaders, however, are expected to be unflappable in high-stress situations.

The term unflappable can be associated with a multitude of behaviors, but a key trait unflappable leaders possess is the ability to communicate effectively by managing difficult conversations. Employees who can consistently do this are more likely to be perceived as having development potential. Leaders need managers whose shoulders are broad enough for the burden of big, meaningful and sometimes difficult conversations.

This column will explore potentially difficult conversations, and will offer points that may benefit each party in those respective situations.

Difficult conversations are not necessarily defined by the content or the message, itself. Rather, they are defined by their impact. Conversations that seem difficult for one person may seem trivial to another.

As a recruiter, my difficult conversations often involve explaining to a candidate that they did not get the job. Those conversations become increasingly difficult when I have been cultivating a relationship with a candidate for months or years; when a candidate is out of work and in a difficult financial predicament because they need a job; or when a candidate is also a current employee whose position has been recently eliminated and they are hoping to find another job in the company.

Difficult Decisions
If you are the party communicating a difficult decision (e.g., rejecting a candidate, giving a performance memo, notifying staff about layoffs, dropping an instrumentation vendor with whom you have a strong relationship), your goal is to help the other party understand the decision, and to ultimately "land him gently" so he can move past the situation and return to being productive as quickly as possible.

Winston Churchill once said, "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak . "

Delivering a Difficult Message
Know the information and facts before you begin a conversation. Understand the situation and impact, the variables affecting the decision, the resolution options explored and the business justification for the ultimate decision.

Begin the conversation with the end in mind, but be flexible and allow the conversation to ebb and flow to help the other party through the difficult parts of the decision. For example, you may need to allow the other party to express concern, disagreement, surprise, disappointment or even an appropriate level of anger. Allowing that "steam" to escape at critical times during the dialogue will help you keep a "lid" on the conversation and maintain control to ensure the desired outcome.

Finally, ask the other party if she understands the decision, even if she does not agree.

Accepting a Difficult Message
If you are on the receiving end of a decision with which you do not agree, your goal is to understand the business drivers, acknowledge acceptance of the decision, and to clearly convey the disagreeable business decision does not impact your commitment to the business or your job. Perhaps more importantly, there are certain actions to avoid at all costs. The following tips can help save your reputation, and possibly even your job.  

• Know when the answer is final, and when to stop pursuing what you want.
• Only escalate concerns through appropriate channels.
• Maintain control of your emotions.
• Sometimes the best advice is to gracefully fall on your sword and back down from a debate.

The other half of the aforementioned Churchill quote is, " ... courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."

Bad news and unfavorable decisions are never easy to deliver or hear, even for experienced leaders. However, ample style and grace, even on only one side of the equation, can provide enough padding to help both parties land comfortably.

Victor P. Gaines, II, is the recruiting team lead for McKesson Health Solutions and is based in Malvern, PA.